Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
