Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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