I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
