I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
