Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
