if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
