we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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