All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
