I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
