Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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