I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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