Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
