i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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