You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
