4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize