Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
