Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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