I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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