Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
