He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
