Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
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Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
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We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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