so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You took a bar mat shot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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