i can't believe i had my finger in that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
