I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Boobs are out for the taking
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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