So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
