margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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