Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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