I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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