There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
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I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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