I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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