Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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