just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
