this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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