i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
