im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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