Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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