I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
