my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
