no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
