Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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