so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
