I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm really busy with my period
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