We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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