There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
