just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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