Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
