I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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