Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
