Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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