I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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