bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
