I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
