I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
