He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
