he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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