We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize