listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
